Later, as the group was leaving the morning meeting, I caught an elevator with Smartest Guyever and apologized for being so ungodly nervous and promised to not have any more coffee. I showed him that my hands were still shaky. He is a really nice guy and thought it was pretty funny, and didn't seem to bothered by the whole thing.
As I got off the elevator to go to back to my gorgeous hotel room...to smash the coffee pot into a million pieces, I had a disturbing thought...Huh, Smartest Guyever is not a pretentious prick! Maybe all pressure and nerves I feel around these people is brought on by myself?! Ya Think, Julie - you frickin' moron.
So I decided to put the morning spectacle behind me and enjoy the rest of the trip. I just lived through my worst nightmare, and am able to walk onto the elevator and laugh about it so what else could happen.
Well, they could announce we are going to a Catholic Mass...NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO! Jesus Christ--this really is my worst nightmare, making an ass out of myself and going to mass all on the first day! It dawns on me that I am really going to need to pace myself or I am going to have a complete mental breakdown before even seeing any Katrina devastation.
For those of you keeping track on the Multicultural Immersion Experience Feelings Checklist here what we've got so far:
1. Unworthiness ✓
2. Humiliation ✓✓✓
Now, we are going to mass...
3. Guilt ✓
4. Shame ✓
5. Apprehension-do I kneel or not? ✓
I will give you the play by play of church soon...stay tuned.
There was crying...