Freckle Friday:: Family Photos

I don't think it's a secret that I love taking photos of my kids. I'm constantly snap, snap, snapping pics of them. I have thousands of photos of these guys. But like most momtographers, I only have a handful of great photos documenting that I am, in fact, the person who brought these two humans into the world. As I look back at photos I sometimes get the feeling that I'm their hired in-house photographer rather than their mom. There's not much photographic evidence that I even exist. 
I'm sure they'll remember me by the ass indent on the couch cushion. 

This fall I decided to practice what I've been preaching on my photography website for years-
Schedule a professional family photo shoot. You will never regret having great family photos! 

Almost immediately after scheduling with Dani Stephenson Photography I wanted to cancelled the shoot because the fool-proof 5 step plan I concocted for looking great in the photos failed. Literally about 37 minutes after the plan was hatched I ate dinner and screwed the pooch. 

5 Step Plan for Looking Great In Family Photos
1. Schedule a photo shoot 
2. Don't eat for 60 days
3. Look crazy hot for the photo shoot
4. Pass out due to malnutrition & exhaustion 2 seconds after the shutter closes for the last time
5. Scar my kids for life (because the EMTs have to revive me in front of them all because I wanted to look hot instead of looking like their mom) but hey the photos look amazing

Because my brain likes to torture me in ways I have trouble even explaining - here's how the 2 months between scheduling and shooting went in my head:
 The shame of failing at such a rock solid plan kept me eating constantly. I was also too ashamed to type an email to Dani to cancel because I didn't want her to think I was a total nutjob. So while I'm brutally attacking myself for being a worthless piece of crap, who is going to look like a worthless piece of crap in the family photos - I'm obsessively planning our outfits like a ADHD queen on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and binge eating to deal with the shame of overspending on clothes that probably won't fit in 2 months because I can't make myself not eat. I don't get outside to get fresh air & exercise that would help me look & feel better because I'm painstakingly searching Etsy for just the right teal tights for Sophia. This cycle continued for 60 days...I swear to god! And the whole time I'm silently praying for a huge December 2nd blizzard so I can pretend to be devastated that our family photos had to be canceled. 

Literally. This is what my brain does and I know it's crazy. Shame is my crazy and I'm learning to deal with it. Shame = attaching my own self-worth to things like weight, perfect teal tights and adorable holiday cards. I'm working through it. This post is part of that. 

Even though in the back of my head I knew was going to hate the photos because I hate how I look, we went to the photo shoot. December 2nd was a great day. It was warm (like 50 freakin' degrees) with hazy cloud cover that made the afternoon sun a nonissue. The setting was lovely. The outfits came together. Trevor wore a sweater...with the tags on because he said he'll never wear it again. Dani Stephenson worked her magic. When the disc arrived in the mail 10 days later, I nervously popped it into the computer to see the damage - I started crying...like a lot!

I cried because look like their mom. I cried because we all look happy and real. I cried because I was relieved. I cried because the outfits worked. I cried because I love the photos. 
I cried because I spent 2 months in Crazytown trying to avoid looking like this person... 

I know, I know Freckle Friday is supposed to be focused on these guys....not my crazy shit. 
Here are some of my favorites of them!

Have a shamefree weekend, folks. Oh, and schedule a family photo shoot. You won't regret it!