Today's Free Advice...

DO NOT drink a ginormous iced coffee at 5:45pm to prepare yourself for a 5 hour school board meeting unless you know for sure the aforementioned school board meeting will actually be 5 hours long.   

Actually, it was a room temperature coffee because the ice maker on the ol' SubZero has decided to stop producing ice....like a bitch.  Also this advice seems to apply only to school board members, but the lesson is really universal so if you're not a school board member because you're smart replace the words 'school board' with whatever meetings you go to. 

This is a good lesson because sometimes meetings only go 2.5 hours and you come home wide awake. Which would have worked out well because when you left the house it looked like this...

But because your husband is AWESOME (and he's the guy who dumped all they camping stuff in the kitchen) he cleaned up the mess so you had a little free time after the meeting. Doesn't seem like such a big deal, right? Well, this is where too much caffeine ruins your life. 

Trevor and I decided to watch a movie on Netflix. Usually if we start a movie at 8:45 p.m. one of us is fast asleep by 8:52. We assumed Trevor would be the first to fall asleep, since I was amped up, so I picked the movie. 

A little background on how I typically pick movies using Netflix. 
After a title pops up, I look at: 
1. The cast - if I like the actors, I usually like the movie.
2. The synopsis - If the summary seems to mesh with who's in the cast, I will continue to consider it.
3. The genre - I like a little of everything - except creepy thrillers. I hate Silence of the Lambs type shit. 
4. The ratings - some of my favorite movies got terrible ratings so I give that little consideration.
And really that's all I have to go on because we see no movie trailers or ads because we do not have live T.V.

Here was a bit of my thought process last night.

hhmm..the Paperboy...maybe Drew Sonsalla is in this...

wait a minute...Zac Efron=HOT, Matthew McConaughey=HOT, John Cusack=LOVE HIM, and Macy Gray=TOTALLY DIG HER MUSIC.  

...that sounds interesting...Matt McConaughey always searching for social justice - love that about him...Cusack is probably the awkward brother who falls for the mysterious girl, again...

...okay no thriller mention so it shouldn't scare the complete shit out of me...or make me grossed out by any of these actors in the future after someone eats another human...or throws j¡z in their face...

...what the hell 2.75 stars...really?...I'd give Zac Efron 3 stars for just watching this movie...critics are such tools...screw it...I bet it's fine. 

At this point Trevor says, "It doesn't even have 3 stars!" I ignored him and pressed play. 

107 minutes later...

Let's start with the good news - I stayed awake for the whole movie!
Now the bad news - I stayed awake for the whole movie!

I stayed awake from the interesting beginning until the awful end.  
I stayed awake long enough to see Nicole Kidman give a disturbing b.j. in a prison scene - no j¡z in her face....but it was there.
I stayed awake long enough to see Matt McConaughey get beaten to a bloody pulp and later murdered.
I stayed awake long enough to see John Cusack look like this....

 and this...

I even stayed awake 2 hours after it was all over too! I laid in bed freaking out that some swamp-living hillbilly was coming to murder me and take my kids back to the bayou with him. 

So I repeat:
DO NOT drink a ginormous iced coffee at 5:45pm to prepare yourself for a 5 hour school board meeting unless you know for sure the aforementioned school board meeting will actually be 5 hours long.   


  1. Holy shit, I am giggling reading this!

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